Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
