So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
