So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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