"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
