She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
