that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
