grandma shit on top of the toilet
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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