Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I can't turn off my feet"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize