This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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