I think I am morally bankrupt
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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