i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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