Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
