I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize