Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
