She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize