do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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