I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
