a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
How naked do you want me to be?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
