I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
