Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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