Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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