just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
so let's talk penis.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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