Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
