guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I can't put those talents on a resume
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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