I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
