we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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