If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Randomize
