I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
