if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
