I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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