How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize