are you so shy because you have an std?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
