I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
