I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
