Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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