just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
