I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
