"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
