That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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