She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
