Got a toothbrush?
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
