youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Even my vagina gasped.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
