That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
