peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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