awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
