he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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