I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
