I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
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