dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
