we have officially lost it.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
