Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
