Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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