How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
