I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
