I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I just found puke in my bra..
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
