i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I am available for nakedness
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
