My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
