Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
