o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
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