Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
