Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
