do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
