We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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