Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
