You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
