his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I think we might need a safe word for this...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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