I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
