We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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