8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
