Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Randomize
