i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
