I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Semen is not good for contacts.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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