She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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