I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
