You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
