I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
