whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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