"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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