Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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