God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize