Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
