So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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